Men tend to fall into two general camps in how they relate in relationship; one way is the more needy or attention wanting man and the other way is, the more unavailable or aloof kind of guy. Yes, I am referring to the more unhealthy qualities that we men play out. We all have some unhealthy or challenging ways we act that require attention, nothing to be ashamed of here. Relationship is an opportunity to grow, mature and up-level oneself.

Most men that I know or work with, have one thing in common; we want to be “the man” in our intimate relationships, (let’s get this straight, being the man is a good thing). We want to feel respected and honored; we want to feel ourselves as the masculine protector, lover and as provider for our family. I am not referring to being a controlling, overly tough macho guy, quite the opposite. I am referring to a mature version of being “the man”. The important thing to remember here is, for a man to feel like he is “the man” he must take responsibility for this. It is not the woman’s job to make a man feel his confidence, it is up to us guys!

Yes, it is quite common that a woman can carry a lot of masculine energy in relationship. When a woman exhibits strong masculine traits, and a man is trying to stay strong in his masculine, power struggles can ensue. As we know, more women in these modern times feel they must navigate this male dominated world, relying on masculine qualities to survive. But most often, I have seen that women really do want to live in their femininity, they want their men to be decisive in their decision-making, and take action, women want their men be “the man”.

So, whether you tend towards being a more needy guy or a man that disconnects when things get tough, it is your job to practice holding down “the man” energy and qualities. Caution, if you do this the wrong way, it can end up creating more tension in the power play. Proceed with awareness and breath!

Everything that I share here comes from my own practice and experience. Try it out and see what works for you.

Here are a few tips to consider:

Take Responsibility-

Whether your woman is either being needy or in her masculine (being extremely focused and directive), it is your responsibility to relax her. If men go into complaining, or blaming her, it can make things go the opposite direction. Taking responsibility for her to be in her loving feminine means, that you take responsibility for the space of love. By being fully present with her and by holding an inner focus on being “the man”, you stand a much better chance of staying in your masculine.

Fully Love Your Woman

First thing to do is, to love her from her point of view. Don’t love her the way you want to be loved. If she likes to be massaged, that may be the greatest expression of love. The more you can love her from her point of view, the more confident you will be in being “the man”. Give her your full loving and allow her to be in her juicy feminine.

Don’t shrink-

If your woman blames you, if she is upset, if she is telling you what to do or if she rejects your masculine directness, DON’T SHRINK. It’s too easy to just sigh and say yeah ok fine honey, and then retreat OR even worse, become angry and exert your loud masculine control over her. Rather, try staying upright, deeply breath and relax. It is important to maintain a sense of staying wide open, Don’t Shrink. When you shrink your woman can’t trust you and then she may need to take the masculine position in the relationship. Stay open, be playful and or allow her to be a woman. Not shrinking may look like you simply not getting flustered, when her masculine challenges yours. Sometimes, this is all a woman needs to feel you as ‘the man”.


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