There is a growing misconception that men have around purpose and relationship. Many modern men are aware of the idea that a man must make his purpose a high priority in his life, a higher priority than his relationship. While there is absolutely truth in this, the problem is in the misunderstanding or misinterpretation of the idea.

The misinterpretation with this idea is that if a man chooses to make his relationship more important than his purpose it will weaken him, his partner will be less attracted to him, that he is less masculine or less empowered. (recently a man shared with me that he must not be a very masculine because he always makes his relationships a priority over his life purpose). I’ve met many men that are ridiculously hard on themselves because ‘they don’t have a purpose’.

 Purpose is healthy

A man on a mission is filled with juice, with fire, with energy. It feeds us on so many levels, gives us confidence and meaning. Your purpose matters, it is your responsibility to share your gifts, skills and talents.

All the inherent challenges in living your purpose can keep you inspired, motivated and in action. There is a healthy approach to living one’s purpose. As a man lives an inspired and purposeful life he can then bring all this energy and juice into his relationship. Your purpose keeps you motivated to be your best.


 Some men that don’t have a clear mission, depend on their relationship to feel fulfilled in life. When we don’t have a reason to wake, to work, and to serve, men often feel less confident in their expression in life. If a man derives his life satisfaction solely from relationship, his partner may experience neediness from him. This isn’t a rule but I’ve seen it countless times.

 Purpose Shadow

On the shadow side of the importance of purpose, men can get caught in work obsession, with doing and achieving. If men make their relationships and intimate interactions low on their priority (with partners/wives) they can neglect the care that’s needed to maintain a healthy relationship. Men often use work as an escape from intimacy, so this obviously isn’t a healthy approach.


A simple but healthy approach is to balance how much energy you give to your purpose and your relationship. These are not mutually exclusive as all of life is about relating. How can you relate to your relationship and your purpose in a loving healthy way. Your purpose can include your own commitment to your personal/spiritual growth. Men whose purpose includes their own awakening show up as more attractive, self-responsible and empowered to their partners. This supports your ability to be present and deepen into intimacy with your partner.