David Deida, the author of many books on the polarity of Masculine and Feminine writes….
“The masculine is always seeking release from constraint into freedom. The feminine often doesn’t understand these masculine ways and needs.”
This teaching is fundamental as it helps to understand a man’s need to feel and experience freedom. Most men do not have a conscious awareness of why they have this thirst for freedom, let alone their partners.
If you’re a man on the personal growth path, this is a damn valuable thing to gain more knowledge about.
Through understanding why you long for freedom, you become more aware of how feeling the lack of it may be negatively affecting your behaviors and actions.
Men love freedom, and as the quote above says it’s the “release from constraint into freedom” that we seek.
We try to get this feeling of freedom in many ways. One way we experience a sense of freedom is through challenge. When we have a difficult task to overcome, we feel a heightened state of excitement in the process, and feeling that freedom in the conquest.
It’s a classic stereotype or archetype. The Warrior, overcoming obstacles and conquering against all the odds. Whether that something is building a successful (not just financial success) business, fixing a broken engine, or a more significant life mission or project, we love when there is a difficult job to overcome.
It’s not unlike the feeling of a great orgasm, deeply relaxing, a feeling of “ahh freedom.”
Yes, I am speaking in generalities, but it’s what I see in about 75-80% of the men I work with. Men struggle with maintaining a sense of freedom in both work and relationship. A sense of spaciousness…. uninhibited and untethered.
Feeling a sense of freedom is difficult especially when we are overwhelmed with work or family responsibilities. But we want to know that it is possible, even if not happening at the moment.
We long for freedom.
Freedom is the masculine imperative, just as connection and relationality are for the feminine.
So, why is this necessary in your current life circumstances?
Because you are possibly disrupting your relationship or business because your innate hunger is being ignored or cut off. This part of who you are is not being honored or recognized as a true ally to your happiness.
So, in your frustration, you act out in your relationship. Or you emotionally check out.
Because you feel trapped, you go on a buying spree or you binge watch movies, or you armor off your heart to your lover.
It’s actually how you are wired, down to your DNA, that creates this.
There is nothing negative about the desire for freedom.
It only becomes harmful when you unconsciously act out in unhealthy habits like bailing on a significant relationship to regain some imagined perception of freedom.
The truth is, you can be in a relationship and still maintain an inner sense of freedom. You can stay in your long-term job without feeling imprisoned.
Become more mindful of the habits you fall into when you start feeling trapped.
Men honor your truth that you desire to feel a sense of freedom…
Know that the masculine thrives when in right relationship with freedom
· Take some free time for yourself
· Get out in nature and relax
· Spend half a day doing nothing with no one around,
· Go camping alone
· Go on a half-day silent meditation retreat
· Be with other men doing relaxing activities
Freedom is an inside job.
And it is essential to your life, health, success, and vitality.
Respect and Love,